Ryder’s Birth Story: Part I

A friend observed that women who have been through childbirth have a need to share their stories.  I agree.  It seems that writing and talking about what occurred is part of processing the whole experience.   As such, these next couple of posts are very much for me; a chance to voice my thoughts and emotions.   I’m posting Part I tonight and Part II tomorrow.  Please feel free to skip the text and just enjoy the pictures.

I can admit now that many aspects of this pregnancy have been difficult and/or scary.  Bed rest lasted from July 7 – September 7.  There was also the ultrasound at 36 weeks which suggested low amniotic fluid and a week’s worth of non-stress tests and extra concern about the health of the baby.  I couldn’t face the possibility of something going wrong, so found myself talking to friends and family about how it was all okay and going to be fine because that’s what I needed to hear in the midst of so much concern.  My worrying was mostly confined to late at night, adding to an already screwed up sleep schedule.

All during week 38 I experienced pre-labor on an almost daily basis.  Looking back, it could well have been my body ramping up for the big day, but mostly I just felt frustrated as almost every night I would experience strong, semi-regular contractions only to have them stop around 2 or 3 in the morning.   Each time it happened I would start to think “this is it” only to feel discouraged as they gradually slowed and stopped.  So when I started feeling contractions Sunday night I convinced myself that this was more of the same and tried to keep from anticipating the real thing.  I didn’t bother with trying to sleep, because from my previous nights’ experience I knew that sleep would be difficult until things slowed and stopped or I got so tired it didn’t matter anymore. 

  

Finally at about 3:00 I realized that rather than slowing, the contractions were getting more steady and regular.  I decided to move from dozing on the couch to the bed, figuring that I would try to get some good sleep, just in case, although I was still mostly in denial at this point.  I fell into a fitful sleep, incorporating contractions into my dreams.

I woke up at about 6:00 still having contractions that were now starting to feel slightly more intense.  I started actually timing and realized they were coming about 6-7 minutes apart.  I woke Tyler up at about 6:30 to let him know that I thought I was in early labor and to get some help with seeing how long contractions were lasting, since it is really hard to look at the clock and breathe through the feeling at the same time.  We got up and in between contractions spent the morning “nesting” in the apartment; doing dishes, making sure we had everything for the hospital, showering, etc.  Ty kept asking if I wanted to call the doctor and I told him I wanted to wait for a while.   There were two reasons for this.  First, I was still afraid that the contractions were going to stop, and I could think of nothing more devastating than going to the hospital and being sent home.  Second, if I really was in labor I didn’t want to get to the hospital too early.  I knew labor was probably going to be hours and I wanted to be home where I could move freely, eat, and not have monitors strapped to me for as long as possible. 

I finally called the doctor’s office around 10:00 Monday morning.  My doctor spoke with me directly, asked about contractions (now about 4 minutes apart and 45 seconds long), and told me to go ahead and head into the hospital.  We arrived around 10:30 and I was hooked up to the monitors for observation.   The nurse also did an exam to check for dilation.  You can imagine my disappointment when she said that while I was definitely having contractions, I wasn’t at all dilated.  She called my doctor who gave instructions for me to get up and walk through the contractions for a while, and that he would be in to see me after he was finished with a scheduled cesarean in about an hour.

As Ty and I paced back and forth in the hallway I tried to keep my focus on staying positive and mentally encouraging my body to do something.  After 40 minutes or so we headed back to the room and the doctor came in and did his own exam.  He asked if I had ever had cervical surgery before, to which I responded no.  He said that I had some kind of lip that wasn’t dilating, but behind that lip I was dilated to a 4.  He discussed how he wanted to help progress the labor by breaking my water and would also try to manipulate the lip open.  I got the impression that if he did that it was going to be really painful, and when I asked him about it, he said that yes, he would probably recommend an epidural at this point for that reason.  He asked if I wanted a natural childbirth, and I told him that while I was hoping to do as much as I could on my own, I was open the epidural under the circumstances.  When he realized that I hadn’t been officially admitted yet, he reassured me that yes, I would be staying, and spoke with the nurses about doing admission and calling the anesthesiologist.

By this time the contractions were coming every 3 minutes or so.  I signed the necessary paperwork, and was placed on an IV as well as the monitors.  Time ceased to have any real meaning for me.  I was very much in my own headspace, very focused on breathing through contractions and staying relaxed.  Labor was intense but I was finding it manageable, despite the increasing length and strength of the contractions.  I started getting more active labor symptoms, such as uncontrollable tremors.  Listening to a mix of lullabies and meditation music I had put together and rocking in the rocking chair helped. 

Several hours later I still hadn’t seen the anesthesiologist or had the epidural.  The ward seemed fairly busy that day, with several other women in labor, and I think because I wasn’t screaming for drugs I got lost in the general bustle.  As some point the doctor called and got after the nurses for not following up on this sooner.  I was aware asking the nurse around 5:00 if I would have to work with a different doctor since it was after regular working hours.  She reassured me that my doctor would be there regardless of what time I delivered.

The anesthesiologist arrived and I moved to the bed.  I don’t remember much about the actual epidural, still being very much in my own world at that point.  I remember feeling some fear and Tyler holding my hand and providing reassurance.  The relief from the epidural was almost instantaneous, and I realized that I hadn’t known how intense labor had become until I was given a break from it.  The doctor came in and broke my waters and it was shortly after this we had our first scare when the baby’s heart rate dropped too low.  He placed an internal monitor.  He also told me that the baby was “sunny side up” and gave instructions for me to lay on my right side to try to encourage him to turn. 

Somewhere in the midst of all this I fell asleep for a couple of hours and while I was sleeping my contractions started to slow down.  When I woke up the nurse said that they were going to start a pitocin drip.  Even with all the labor, I was still only dilated to a 4, although the lip had disappeared.  

Read Part II Here