Many of you know that I struggled with nursing and ultimately had to give it up very early in Ryder's life. I chose to post my story here:
http://fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/2010/11/fff-friday-this-is-but-small-moment.html
I wrote out the above the night I decided to stop, and I think it reflects the angst I felt. Fortunately, that is much better now. I still feel some regret, but I know time will heal that too. What I have found most interesting about this whole experience is how many moms are out there who aren't nursing or partially nursing (for whatever reason) and how much isolation and shame is associated with it. It's too bad that so many amazing mothers are left feeling so inadequate and alone. I may have more to say on this subject later, when I have more time and energy for reflection. For now, I am sharing my story for those of you who have asked and are interested.
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5 comments:
We went through some similar experiences and frustrations - it is such a difficult time to go through it, too - when you've just had a new baby and are on that rollercoaster of pregnancy hormones and new emotions of being a mom for the first time and wanting to do everything the way you envisioned it. Ryder is so lucky to have parents who love and adore him and provide him with comfort and care and quality time bonding and growing as a family. You guys are the best!
Hannah, you are the BEST mother in the world for your sweet little boy because you have the courage to do what is best for HIM and not force your experience of motherhood into someone else's idea of what is or is not "right" or "healthiest" or whatever other excuse you believe people would think. If there was any one thing that I wish that I could go back and tell myself as a new mother it would be to let myself learn how to be a mother on my and Riley's schedule and not make myself crazy worrying about how he was late in rolling over or "oh no!" a friends baby who was born three days after Riley walked three months before he did. You have made the best decision for you and Rider. Be grateful that you were able to make that decision and not give yourself months of agony learning that every choice you make will not be the same as someone else's and that is ok. I love you. Enjoy this great time! You are an AMAZING mom. No question.
Sorry, I spelled Ryder's name wrong. Stupid spell check on my phone.
Sad story. Sorry you had to struggle so. That was a lot of weight for your poor little guy to lose. Reminds me of my experience with Ashlyn. It's tough. Don't beat yourself up. He will be JUST FINE on formula. The "what ifs" can kill you. You are doing a great job. I personally have a love/hate relationship with nursing, and I have no problems with getting my baby to nurse. I hope I didn't offend you by offering you that formula. I just didn't want it to go to waste and I knew I wouldn't use it before next May. Ryder is such a cutie boy! I love his hair.
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